No really... Its RANT time. Who the FUCK (I wont point fingers at companies... Because SO MANY ARE DOING THIS), but who the hell calls a period "AMAZING," or "LOVES IT"?!
No girl in her bloody right mind likes that shit. You LIE!
For those lacking the devil spawn called a utuerus... The fact that your not pregnant causes this organ to attempt to KILL itself monthly. Every. Damn. MONTH.
This means the girl is:
Bleeding. It varies from girl to girl... Or month to month... But it does ruin many a pair of undies... Cost hundreds a year in a attempt to prevent that, and don't forget the joy of feeling a constant stream of blood... We do not laugh, cry, move... Anything. Or there is a flood. The bathroom is a murder scene and we are the damn victim.
Pain. Most of us get wonderful cramps... This is the organ actually trying to KILL itself... Its a physical pain like getting stabbed in the torso, the who-hah, and often spreads upwards to cause horrible headaches.. Sleep or peace are limited and you'll pop advil like its damn candy.
Diets. Ruined. Everything in sight must be eaten. Your food, our food, dog food, possibly even the dog or your arm... Ah, and sugar is needed... It actually does help with the cramps and the constant stream of blood causes us to need the extra vitamins and energy, so yes. We want the WHOLE cake.
A lighter wallet. Did I mention the cost? If your paying 70 cents a tampon/pad and changing them every 3 hours (Suppose to change more often, but hey this gets expensive fast... But sometimes you need them hourly) And theres 24 hours in a day. That's 8 a day. 5.60 a day. For sever days... That's 39.20 a month. That's nearly 40 bucks a month, EVERY month. 480 a year! You think I'm messing with you on this? No, this is a fair guess of the price per. Tampons need panty liners. If you only use pads your paying more for your needs... Such as length, units in package, wings, and amount it holds... They are not all made equal.
On this note, there is reusable options... Washable pads, diva cups... They take a larger investment. Easily 50 bucks or more to start. But hey, you can use them over and over so its cheaper!
Now... Factor in the CLEANING. Those diva cups must be dumped and then rinsed each time. Every time. The pads must be WASHED. Now, unless your okay with soaking bloody things with the rest of your items... Lovely image huh? Yah no, you wash them in one load as needed or monthly, whatever comes first. True, this is trival to above, but you have to handle a bloody mess now. Cant just toss it. And that is why most buy the expensive but tossable.
Extra Content: Pre/After Period. Fun fact... We feel it days before... And days after were still feeling like shit as we bust our asses to get caught up and deal with the messes we caused. So forgive that little moon swing... Were sorry we screamed instead of taking your head and drinking your blood!
Ah, and sometimes its early, or late, or last longer then normal... Thought you were done? Too bad! Not time yet? Sucks for you...
Now... Knowing this (as most girls/women do and have since like 12) this is NOT a amazing thing...
So please, do any of you find that crap amazing? Love having half your month blown? Love buying new undies that may not survive...
And these tampon/pad ads... White, tight clothes? Oh heeellll no... Going to the freaking beach? They must be trying to do a Jaws remake! Now they want to make this crap mainstream and say they love this unholy hell? I know some lucky girls get super light symptoms and light spotting... But I've never heard them say they love that shit either...
Myself? Hahaha... I'm not lucky. In any sense.. I gave up on having nice things and wear black sweats with a hoodie 3 sixes too big with a hot water bottle on my stomach while I binge watch horror flicks so I'm ready for what I will be dealing with hourly while gorging on anything left in the house. Upside? All those leftovers are getting eaten. Container and all if I don't pay attention.. I've trained my pitty to help drag me off the couch and fetch me V8s from the pantry... My father has called me a unholy demon spawn. I'm a freaking joy.
Now... Tell me, how amazing this crap is.. Please... See if I ever buy that product again after being told its a wonderful thing.. -.-
Here's a ad idea: Partner with a hotel, Cheesecake factor, fruit of the looms, or even V8. And tell us what we really feel. That this sucks but this products offering a discount on food, a room, or a drink that can help keep you feeling human. Or maybe that your now offering coupons for products we need/want in the package... Ice cream, new undies, candy bars... Redbox...
Okay, rants over. I'm calm... I need to go stock back up on V8 and cake mix too.
Wolfe
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