Your an Inch Worm...Mr. --Grinch?

(3/11/15 Weebly Post)







And to revisit last week. My Boyfriend is the inch worm in his sleep!

So allow me to brighten your day with a few details and stories at his expense!

So when I first saw it, he had his ass all the way in the air, arms at his side. If I didnt know any better i'd think he was being raped by a ghost. But after a minute a stretches out and curls around and is inching all over the bed. Im not sure if hes possessed or half inch worm... But he does get around.

I feel like I should have popcorn to watch him at night or that I should feel abit dirty.. Its kind of like a bad porno scene in the B rated horrors from the 90s. Almost as hairy too.


Hes actually inched his way UNDER the bed before. Scared the shit out me when he woke up screaming "I DONT WANNA DIE! PLEASE DIG ME BACK UP! I WONT DO IT AGAIN!" and all the while hes banging on the mattress. SO I wake up and snatch the candle holder off the wall ready to kill someone thinking were under attack...nope...Just him.


So his legs are kickin, not under the bed mind you, the dogs are freakin', and im sitting there staring.. Blankly... I mean WTF... Is he dreaming? Nope.. Hes just stuck nearly naked under the bed, sweating and screaming. Now about this time the doors banging. I look at him and just go answer it. Hes in the back still screaming bloody murder with dogs barking and i've got two cops with their guns pointed at me.

I just point to the room.. They walk in.. And they see a pit bull on the bed trying to bite the fist sized bumps hitting the mattress. They look at me.. I point UNDER the bed...

There was a few wicked witch jokes made... Till a tooth hit that fist... Then it was silent... Followed by another scream... This one with "OMG LET GO OF MY THUMB!! FIONA!!!" Me.. I do all I can do at this point. I jump on the bed and tell my baby boy how GOOD he is! One of the officers pulls him out.. He turns beet red...

The officers kindly lie that he was fixing the boards in the bed and our dogs jumped up and they gave out... He was stuck under 200 pds of dog and mattress. His hand was fine too.

For his safety the mattresses are on the floor and the bed frame is tucked away in storage. Now he inches into the bathroom and wakes up on a wet floor with one of the water balls on his nuts as he hugs the base of the toliet... Though to be honest, I put the bowl there for his protection.


After all this, Atleast he doesnt drool... Usually. And yes, hes inched his way over me too..


I wake up with his feet in my face, I wake up with him half off the mattress and half on me, and at very confusing times with him curled in my lap or face down in my chest...

My reaction is usually a smack to his head. He never drools unless hes on me. So I want a shower.. He's done better about inching off the bed instead of on to me.


Now He either inches his ass into a dog bed ( I dont think the dogs mind AT ALL!) or I weigh him down and keep him from moving. Putting ankle and wrist weights on him helped. Plus I lay on his arm.


Well, you've got a nice look into my private life and I hope you've got a BUNCH of laughs out of it!

Till next we chat,

Wolf